Truth Parlor

Are you always victim? Before you say no, see if any of the characteristics sound familiar because you could be sabatoging your own success.

I read this article by a new Twitter friend of mine this morning that accelerated this post I have on my list of to do’s. He was describing his run in with a customer who immediately made him out to be the bad guy.

Have you ever had the pleasure of hanging out with someone that was always the ‘victim’?

VICTIMS SAY THINGS LIKE:

• Did you see  they way they were looking at me?
• People always stare at me like I’m a criminal.
• That girl was didn’t even look me in the eye.
• That person just ignored me and acted like I didn’t even exist.
• I can’t believe so and so was so ungrateful. I could be doing better things than (_______) for them.
• How come when you ask people to (_______) they jump to do it, but when I ask, I just get ignored?
• So and so’s out to get me.
• That group treats me like I’m stupid.
• They’re double charging us because they don’t like us because of …

VICTIMS DO THINGS LIKE:

• Not look you (or the perpetrator) in the eye because they perceive themselves to have been attacked emotionally, psychology, mentally, etc.
• Wait to respond to you until they are ready to communicate because you have offended them.
• Expect you to thank them repeatedly for something they did for you (whether you asked for the favor or not).
• Expect you to read their minds and help them in ways that they don’t verbalize, but expect you to know.
• Don’t ask for help because they figure that if you were a good (friend, family member, employee, etc.) you would know to volunteer. They act like they’re martyrs and expect recognition for it.
• Expect you to address them first or ask for their opinions.
• Talk about you in a negative light, and when it comes up, they will steer the story to gain your sympathies.

HOW WE VALIDATE OUR VICTIMS

Somewhere along the way, that person was taught that manipulating the situation to provoke sympathy works.  They had enough people rubbing their backs, holding their hands, or hugging them in an effort to comfort them.  They felt the power of playing the victim as it opens up a whole new, self-directed line of conversation that leads to cooing and more hugs.

• Oh gosh you’re right victim,  that person should’ve looked at you and struck up a conversation first.
• Oh sweet victim, you should’ve been upset if that waitress didn’t give you a free drink. I know, you’re right, it’s because you’re Green (or whatever other color or ethnicity you would like to substitute here).
• Oh darn, victim, yes you should be crying because so and so didn’t thank you more than once for the favor that you’re doing them. And yes, favors should be used to hold as a ransom over people.

EFFECTS

Now all those horrible things that victim feels and says becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. When we allow ourselves to tune in, we can certainly feel vibes being put off into the air around us. If you feel like you’re being ignored, your lack of eye contact will make it easier to ignore you. If you feel like people are staring at you, people will stare at you because they’re wondering why your nose is up in the air. The opposite is true as well.

This will hinder your growth since you will be too pre-occupied with what other people are thinking and why they’re thinking it. The truth is, they so rarely think what you believe they’re thinking.  These self created stories will torture you more than the truth, but then you’re too afraid to face the truth and it’s easier to get sympathy with those fantastic stories you make up in your head.

AWARENESS

For those lacking in direction and self esteem or those who were taught that negative attention is better than no attention at all, their M.O. becomes that of self sustaining attention by manipulating the emotions of those around them so that they can be validated.  If you are validating that person’s neurosis because you do not want to make that person feel bad, then you are in turn enabling & perpetuating that behavior. The very sad thing about this affliction is that it tends to be passed down from generation to generation. Being a victim is a learned behavior.

Eckhart Tolle described in considerable detail the effects of the pain body, particulary as it relates to races or other categories of the human race.  However, the awareness of this condition should make it easier to identify as it creeps up into our daily behaviors.  The challenge is to be able to honestly speak to this person about it without crushing their delicate egos. Your goal is to build them up and let them know what an incredible human being they are and that they are better than what they are showing the world. The world doesn’t revolve around one person. All these so called ‘offensive’ actions are usually just a misinterpretation by the victim.

THE TRUTH

If you often feel like the victim, then most likely you’re acting like the victim. If often find yourself in a situation where people are consoling you or where you’re looking for someone to back you up, then you’re playing the victim.   This will sabotage your business in ways that will retard your growth and your company’s growth. And ultimately, it can destroy everything that you’re working towards if you allow your victim mentality to lead your decision making.

Though this article is about how it being the victim will hurt your growth in business, these same issues will affect your life in general and keep you from growing and being the great person you already are inside.