Not!

A while back, I wrote an article about LOUD Christians. Religion is not something I often discuss with my friends and family, but tonight was an exception. I had a long time friend from high school over & while it’s not unusual for us to spend 8+ hours together cooking, shopping and watching Oprah, it’s also commonplace for us to talk about everything from politics, sex, relationships, POLYGAMY, work, and religion. We covered our the spectrum again tonight and it sparked this post. For the sake of protecting the innocent, we’ll call my friend Deb.

So here’s what Deb unearthed about me after 16 years of friendship: My parents are Buddhists, my husband’s an atheist, and I LOVE Jesus.

“Well how the hell does that work?” she asked. Though her suggestion of writing a book on this topic ain’t happening anytime soon (at least for as long as I have to pencil in time to bathe), I agreed that you guys probably have some opinions of your own & I want to hear it!

Buddhism

My parents are practicing Buddhists. They are consistent in their beliefs and part take in all of the customs that are associated with being Buddhists. They go to temple and we have a feast on Chinese New Years.

Here’s a very insightful look at Buddhism. And no, for those of you who think that reading about Buddhism will send you to hell, let me reassure you that it won’t, but your ignorance may…g

“Buddhism has the characteristics of what would be expected in a cosmic religion for the future: it transcends a personal God, avoids dogmas and theology; it covers both the natural & spiritual, and it is based on a religious sense aspiring from the experience of all things, natural and spiritual, as a meaningful unity” A widely cited, but apparently spurious quotation attributed to Albert Einstein*

The Drepung Loseling Institute states:

“Like all major religions, Buddhism contains an explanation of the origin of existence, a morality, and a specific set of rituals and behaviors. … Buddhism presents a transformational goal, a desire to improve one’s situation, and a distinct moral code. _**

Kerry Trembath writes that Buddhism is not what we call a “top-down religion” — one in which a deity reveals religious and spiritual truths to humanity. It is a “bottom-up religion” created by humans as an attempt to express spiritual concepts:

“Buddhism does not deny the existence of gods or of other worlds, and indeed the devotional practices of many Buddhist traditions involve the veneration and invocation of special beings such as Avalokitesvara (known as Kw

an Yin to many Chinese, or Kannon to the Japanese). However, at its core Buddhism is a non-theistic religion and, unlike other world religions, Buddhism is not a doctrine of revelation. The Buddha did not claim to be the bearer of a message from on high. He made it clear that what he taught he had discovered for himself through his own efforts.”

“The Buddha himself is revered not as a deity or supernatural being but as a very special kind of human being. He was a human who achieved the ultimate in development of his human potential. The Buddha taught that this achievement is within the reach of every human being, and he spent his life teaching a practical methodology which, if followed with purity of mind and great diligence, would enable others to reach the same objective. In other words, he taught a method rather than a doctrine. When questioned about the validity of his teachings, the Buddha did not refer to the higher authority of a deity. He explained that his teachings were based on his own direct personal experience, and he invited all who were interested to test for themselves whether the method he taught was effective.”

It’s very easy for me to understand the attraction of gravitating to and anchoring yourself to such a belief system. There is peace in every aspect of Buddhism. If your conversations about your religion don’t give you a sense of peace but rather a defensive stance towards your ‘opponent’ & their beliefs, then are you really living the way of your own doctrines? And if your answer is yes, then your religion or your interpretation of your religion is not the route I would like to take with my life.

Here’s a very basic introduction to Buddhism written by students of Buddhist Psychology.

So let’s get this straight. My parents practice Buddhism, they do not worship Buddha. They don’t talk to Buddha like so many of us talk to Jesus. They practice a way of life and belief system.

Are they good Buddhists? Well, that just makes me think of the definition of a good Christian. We can all improve our ways but we live according to what we believe in most, what’s most important to us, what resonates with us and let’s be truthful here: what’s easiest and most self serving at the moment.

Onto my Atheist Husband

Wikepedia will tell you:

Atheism is the position that deities do not exist,^[1] or the rejection of theism.^[2] In the broadest sense, it is the absence of belief in the existence of deities.^[3]

So really, he’s saying that he doesn’t believe in God(s), Jesus and the Holy Spirit. End of story.

I’ve often asked him how he could believe that there isn’t something greater than we are. I mean, it would be so sad for the universe if we humans were the only intelligent life. Reeeeaaally sad.

He believes in evolution or the big bang and more importantly, I believe that he doesn’t even care to dwell on this topic any longer because he’s already spent his time searching out the meaning of life. Many heated debates have ended up with one of us (okay me) stomping off in frustration because…

I LOVE Jesus…

Now I may not love Jesus in the same way that so many Jesus lovers do. I do not think that you have to talk to him via a Priest. I don’t believe any number of Hail Mary’s will suffice for repentance and absolve you of your sins. I don’t believe you have to believe in him and accept him as your ‘saviour’ to avoid the fiery pits of hell. I don’t love him so much that I use him as a shield to hide behind when my actions are just plain stupid.

I just love Jesus.

This means that I believe he lived and died for us. This means that doing the right thing is often very difficult, but suck it up and don’t be such a pansy. This means that I don’t pass so many judgements (as I did before – I’m not 100% perfect on this one folks because I’m sooo opinionated, but my judgemental ticker has climbed down dramatically.) This means that I believe that humans were created, not that we were some accident that came out of a cosmic explosion.

This also means that I don’t really know how the hell we were created and by whom. But here’s what I do know: just because we don’t believe in something, doesn’t mean it’s not true.

Like if you don’t believe in Ghosts, Astral Projections, Lucid Dreaming, telekinesis, telepathy, etc., that doesn’t mean they don’t exist or aren’t real. They’re just not real to you.

So again, I reserve the right to let you be and grant you choice of life, religion, politics and love. But I expect the same. If you can’t give me that in return, then it’s time we get out of each other’s spaces.

So how do I live with an Atheist?

The better question may be: how does he live with me? You see, part of this life journey of mine is learning better how to accept and grant others beingness. Ironically enough, I learned this concept from the Church of Scientology. But no matter if I picked this up from the COS or a Buddhist temple or Catholic church first, it resonates with me and I get it.

We often are so wrapped up in other’s beliefs & how much different they are from our own that we forget that we’re not the “belief police.” If my life was centered around a religion, then quite certainly, Big J-oda & I would never have made it past the alter. But because my beliefs are a part of my beingness and the philosophies of acceptance, life, love, relationships and purpose are ever evolving for me, it’s hard for me to make judgements of whether or not someone should believe in a God who no one has ever laid eyes on.

Faith is what gives me hope & direction, so I choose to believe in God. But I also believe in the life philosophies of Buddha.

Love and family is what gives Big J-oda hope, so that’s what he chooses to put his faith in. He could certainly have put his faith in worst things like cocaine, diseased prostitutes, and the devil himself. So what do I really have to complain about?

When it comes to our children, we’ll present them with all of the theories and allow them the right to decide for themselves. Then we can have even more heated debates at the kitchen table. I can’t wait!

The Truth

I would rather build a life with an honest, kind, strong human being who is an atheist than a man who hides behind the cross and uses it as a deflector. Here are a few examples:

• Ted Haggarty
• Bishop Terry Hornbuckle
• Rev. William Procanick
• Harry Benson

Need more?

• Ray A. Hemphill
• Timothy Edmonds
• Maurice Praill
• Earl Holland

Again, I say, the louder you scream you’re a Christian, the less of a good Christian you are.

Namaste

PS…Buddha wasn’t fat. Not even close.

*This quotation is often cited as appearing in Helen Dukas & Banesh Hoffman, Eds., “Albert Einstein: The Human Side,” Princeton University Press, (1954). It looks like something he could have written or said. It resembles the type of language found in other religious and spiritual material that Einstein wrote. But there appears to be no evidence that it is actually his. A search on Google for a phrase from this quotation found that it is found at about 316 locations on the Internet. However, as explained in http://en.wikiquote.org/, item 14, he probably never wrote it. Still, someone wrote it. Also it contains many interesting insights. So, we included it.

**”Is Buddhism a religion?” Drepung Loseling Institute, at: http://www.drepung.org/

This trip was a graduation gift for one of his sons, so he & wife #1 flew 18 hours to visit their crazy Americanized family in the states. On the very first day of their visit to us in Dallas, one of my favorite aunts, who we’ll call #4 (No, she’s not the 4th wife, she’s just the 4th oldest sister on my momma’s side. Dude, you gotta keep up with ancient Chinese tradition here. We can’t call our elders by their name, we use their rank=) made sure to slyly tell me about MOTW’s wifey #2.

After I picked my jaw up and un-widened my squinty, chinky eyes, I just realized that I had never been in the presence of a polygamist before! They all co-exist in one very large house…oh, did I mention they’re millionaires? They own some sort of manufacturing plant, so they bleed money.  I would tell you more about their business, but my moderate grasp of the Chinese language and the slight slur and major accent they had was a bit of a conversation killer. They made their first chunk of change in the shrimping business, but got into this new business over a decade ago and never looked back.

So, after that tidbit of juicy news, I found myself slyly staring at MOTW, #1 and their kid because I was thinking that I would see something that would give me a glimpse of the dirty, nasty, sexual deviants that they are! I looked and looked and talked to them like they were from our planet, giving no notion that I thought they may have been implants from a galaxy far away.

All that effort, and dammit, they disappointed me to no end. They were kind, sensitive, generous, funny, smart and amazing shoppers! Hell, they didn’t even strip down and have wild polygamist sex on my kitchen table. Again, so disappointing.

A great Twitter friend asked what I thought about polygamy.

Had you asked me 10 or even 5 years ago, I would have screamed, “Bitch step back from my man before I claw your eyes out!”

Today, the thought of having a home cooked meal waiting for me after working 15 hours, or someone helping me with the dishes and laundry, or helping with the endless list of errands: well frankly it makes we want to weep with hope. Or what if she would just go earn the big bucks or have a another baby for me to coddle while I get to skip the 9 months of HELL?

There’s been so much attention about polygamy with Oprah’s 4 part series on the Yearning for Zion compound. Though Oprah’s expansive influence and story telling skills gave us a more intimate view on polygamy, my family’s visit solidified the fact that it’s not about days and nights of torrid sex and menage-a-trois, but an effort to create a small village who love each other and a family that is strong and stable, and filthy-stinkin-rich.

It is no secret that the Asian culture promotes polygamy. You can see it in the Chinese films and even the English movie “The King & I.” The King of Siam and his 40 concubines were very relative in that story line.

So now for the sex. Would I have issues with my husband having sex with another “wife?” Much to my husband’s chagrin, the hypothetical answer is: I wouldn’t mind if she’s cooking, cleaning or earning us a pocketful of change while popping out babies for me to snuggle up with. And of course, I would have to choose her because she’s got to like watching American Idol, Grey’s Anatomy and Dancing with the Stars. Darling, that’s what you get when you won’t watch these shows with me yourself.

And truth be told, there are some nights where I am so damn exhausted that I fall asleep sitting on my couch with my laptop whirring away. Not only is that not sexy, but it would be a welcome interception if some lady took the pressure off and took care of my darling-husband-super-dad-big-boss-man with the sex drive of a teenager.

Now, it’s easy to say that I’m ok with my husband having relations with a fictitious 2nd super-wife since I am not presented with this situation. And for my Big J-oda’s sake, I better say this too: we will not be looking for a 2nd wife. I promise baby…

But a 2nd husband…

What do you think? Email me and/or take this poll:

Have you ever sat next to someone or even engaged in a conversation with someone who made you feel like you were completely and utterly alone? I had often remarked to my husband in our early years together that I felt like I was by myself so often when we were sitting in the same room. So just because he was there, didn’t mean he was present with me.

We often get wrapped up in the everyday minutiae of life that we forget to live in the present with those that are of value to us therefore devaluing the relationship.

Be what you’re being while you’re being it.

If you are a manager of 25, girl scout troop leader of 12, board member of 10,  mentor of 5, best friend of 2, parent of 3 and spouse of 1 then you may feel like Sybil at times. With the advancements in technology we are expected to do more, learn more, participate more and create more – now. The trouble is, if I’m working on a presentation for my board of directors, I can’t possibly be a good mother at that same moment. If I’m nursing my sick child, I can’t be a good troop leader at the same moment. To think that we can be multiple personalities at the same moment effectively is not a reasonable expectation.

The art of multi-tasking has been corrupted into an unachievable balance between personal and business tasks. And though it may appear that we are getting more done, in actuality, we are digressing and harming our families, our work and ourselves more than creating benefits.

So when you are at work, then be the employee/owner/manager or whatever your role is right now.

But my child is sick…

…so go home and nurse your sick child. If you are so worried sick about your child that you are on the phones all day with your day care or babysitter, you might as well pack up your stuff and get out of there. If you are so preoccupied that you are not present and working at your best, then you’re not doing your company or yourself any good. If you’re trying to ‘mother’ while you’re at work, then you’re not being fair to all parties involved, including yourself.

But I have to get this report done…

…so go into your home office with a do not disturb sign, finish your last page to your report, and come back out to join the family when you are ready to be present with them. Rather than half heartedly play with your kids and spacing because you’re so worried about your project, finish the darn thing and come back.

Are you afraid that you don’t have enough time with your kids? Then make an effort to tuck that report away until you put them to bed. While you’re hanging out with your kids, they need to know that you are with them and not preoccupied.

Whatever you do, do not try to play & interact with your family while you are finishing that report. Both will suffer as a result. Your report will take twice as long and be 1/2 as good while your kids wonder why that stupid report is more important than building Legos.

It’s An Art

One of my first jobs was managing a sports bar when I was 19 (holy cow that was a lifetime ago!) I thought I was a damn great barista, but I remember this gal I hired that kicked my ass in pulling in tips! I was floored because I’ve been known to pull in a few c-notes in my time. So what was her trick? She just knew how to be what she was while she was being it. So when she came in to bartend, she was not a diligent daughter or devoted girlfriend, she was ‘the best damn bartender.’ End of story. She would not only make you a great drink, but when she talked to you, she made you feel like there was no where else she’d rather be and no one else she’d rather talk to – even with a bar full of tipping customers.

Simply: she was present.

The Truth

My post on the magical inbox gave you a little explanation about the Scientology courses I took for a full year & the disclaimer that if I were to join a church, it wouldn’t be the Church of Scientology. But I have to give credit where credit is due. They blew me away with their business courses which I understand that 98% of their congregation never are exposed to any of it. That’s because they’re mainly there for their own self development.

This concept of be what you’re being while you’re being it, which we deployed in my brick & mortar businesses, came directly from L. Ron himself. And truthfully, it gave us all a humbling perspective on our roles in life as dynamite employees, managers, leaders, spouses, parents and friends.

Use this to have a rock solid relationship.

1. Spend time together (away from the kids – even if it’s chatting while they’re in bed)
2. Talk to each other for more than the national average of 12 minutes per day
3. When you’re talking to each other, talk about things other than finances, work and children
4. Be present. Be a loving, doting spouse. Talk to each other like you were dating. Remember that? Ask questions. Ask opinions. Challenge opinions. Relay stories.
5. And most importantly. Have ‘relations.’ Lots of it! And in case I haven’t made my point: when you’re in the bedroom, be that sex-kitten or stud. That is absolutely not the time to be a super-parent or manager…

The other stuff will fall in place.
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This also has code for hyperlinking your image to a website, but if you don’t want your images linked anywhere remove the code <a href=”http://WEBSITE.COM/”>. Make sure to note your image source. I have my pics loaded in a folder I named “images” within my theme’s folder.

You can change the width, border size, and picture sizes with their corresponding numbers in the HTML code. They’re labeled pretty clearly here so just make your adjustments. This example is set to:

• width = 330
• border = 1
• image size =110 x 110

Please note that I changed my images sizes to 110 x 110 before I uploaded them to my images folder.

This is probably the fastest way to place images, especially if you’re creating affiliate links in your sidebar.  As always, if you have a faster or better way or if I’ve missed something, please let me know. Happy blogging!

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What 31 years on this earth has taught me thus far about spirituality and religion.

First off, spirituality and religion are 2 different matters all together. I’m spiritual and believe in a power much greater than we are, but I’m not very religious. You can be both spiritual and religious, but you can definitely be one without the other.  I grew up going to different churches because it was a church that sponsored my family over during the war. So I grew up in a very Christian setting going to Catholic, (Southern) Baptist, Methodist and Unitarian churches as well as Buddhist temples. Most of my time in the churches were without my parents.  They’re straight up Buddhist with very old family traditions that will sadly die off with them. 

Glad I Escaped This Would Be Mother In Law

I remember dating this wonderful man when I was about 20. His father was a pastor and had sadly passed by the time we got together.  His mother was remarried…to the guy she cheated on her pastor husband with! She had asked me one night when we were at a small family function what religion my parents were. I told her they were (and still are) Buddhist.

She didn’t say much after that, however, very shortly afterwards, my boyfriend had told me the ranting that went on about my worshipping pagan Gods. How funny that she never asked me what I believed in, but was so ready to make judgements on the person that I was. How very un-Christian like.  Oh, and did I mention that she was married to the guy she cheated on her pastor husband with? Surely that’s not as offensive to God as me believing in Buddha.

The Louder You SCREAM You’re a Christian, The Less of a GOOD Christian You Are

Have you ever noticed those who preface many of their thoughts with, “I believe in God…” or “I’m a good Christian…” or “God laid it on my heart…”? What surprises me are the people that you interact with on a daily basis that are very spiritual beings or who are truly good Christians, that you never even know about.  The reason I say this surprises me because the really good Christians don’t tend to over exaggerate their goodness. They don’t have to. It just emanates from their every day actions.  They’re honest, good natured, kind, caring and helpful to others.  Those that have to say they are these things don’t trust in their own actions enough to show what they’re really about.  Or rather, they must know somewhere deep down that their spewing Christianity and Bible quotes is a total crock of shit and that if they’re not careful, their façade of being a truly good human being will crumble, so they scream louder to draw attention to their words to deter you from looking too closely at their actions.

So it’s taken me years to understand the meaning behind “don’t listen to what people say but watch what they do,” but learn this I have.  And on this topic, it’s loud and clear. I understand more than ever to steer clear of those who have to verbalize their connection with God every other day. 

The Truth

No one cares about what you believe in unless they ask you. If you look for opportunities to push your views on others, then your interpretation of the Bible is as tainted as that Catholic priest who molested 14 boys under the age of 12. You use the word of God for your own means.  If you hide behind God and use him as an excuse for the (poor) decisions you make, well, you ultimately will have to pay the price for that too, so let’s not kick you while you’re down.

Oh, by the way, did I mention that religion has no place in business? Do not sign your emails with, God bless you all, in God, etc. Do not speak to your employees about their beliefs as that will open you up to a whole slew of legal liabilities.  Do not tell your colleagues that, “God laid it on your heart…to only spend $1,500 on advertising.” God doesn’t care about what you spend on your advertising, he’s left that up to you to decide. Yes, this last example was a real live conversation in my life, but I digress…

So, if you want to be understood, try understanding first. If you want others to understand your viewpoint on God, then try seeing why they believe what they believe first. And then, if they ask you your opinion, give it, otherwise, don’t bully me with your personal beliefs.

Amen

My first business was formerly known in north Texas as The Body Wrap Shop, and for reasons that are totally ridiculous, we had to change our name about 18 months into it.  I have since sold that business (again) and it operates under Wrap Me Now! But our beginnings were very precarious and though I would have gladly traded the company we had to deal with to get started for the devil himself, I’ve picked up some amazingly cool business tools along the way.

When my husband & I jumped into this business, we didn’t recognize the signs that were in front of us that said, “You’re dealing with the bottom of the Scientology cesspool.”  These people are what gives Scientologists a worse name than they’ve already made for themselves.

So I remember popping in for a surprise visit before I gave the ‘parent company’ that we were buying our license from to see how they operate.  I had pretty high expectations from someone who was asking for $35K.  I was actually in Clearwater, FL on business anyways and was dressed like someone who could play the part of a pretty good sales(wo)man.

Clean, tailored suit and all, I strode into this run down facility on Belcher Rd with a little bit of confusion.  Before I could even see the chimney stacks of cigarette smoke from an assembly of bovine-resembling women, I could taste the stale, dense fumes.  My first instinct was to protect my unsullied suit from this stench.  I grew up with a father who is a smokestack himself and the compulsion to protect my wardrobe was more instinctual than calculated at that moment.

At any rate, let’s say that my first encounters with Scientologists were very contradictory to their core beliefs.  We will definitely explore more of this later.

It turns out that my soon to be Advertising-Co-operative-Sort-of-Business-Partner, “MW” is a devout Scientologist too.  She had somehow persuaded me to go to one of her business meetings she was setting up for small business owners.  I thought she needed some support, so I volunteered to attend.

Here is the first of many tips that has changed my life and organization of my companies.

Magical Inboxes!

I know you must think this is elementary, but it goes deeper than this.  The key: inboxes, pending boxes and out boxes for every ‘hat’ you wear or subject you are in charge of.

That started to revolutionize the way my business was run. The magic of inboxes was quickly recognized in my small but growing company.  I probably had about 12 employees at the time and I was in charge of every aspect of my business.  The issue I had with the inbox system prior was that my inbox was always full and seemed so daunting that the mere thought of tackling it would just send me into a mental straight-jacket keeping me from any real progress.  My pending box was just another place to store incoming items.  My outbox was always empty because I couldn’t organize myself enough to get anything done.

The Magical Inboxes that I had set up for each hat I wore became 3 rows x 6 columns of wall pockets Big J-Oda generously screwed to one wall I had cleared off for just this new Magical Inbox system.

I then set up an inbox for all of my on going items of concern.  I had an inbox for:

1. Accounting
2. Client Issues
3. Staff communications
4. Mail
5. Advertising
6. Gift Certificates

So each column was comprised of an inbox on the top row, then a pending box, then the outbox, though after much usage, I realized that outboxes were usually empty because by the time something got processed, it seemed to poof! just magically disappear. What this also did for me was to keep an eye on each task as I was ready to tackle them and ironically enough, it helped me to organize my day to take care of issues efficiently.

The most loathsome sight was anything in my Client Issues inbox.  We prided ourselves on not having very many, maybe one every other month or so, which was no small feat with our volume of business.  So to see anything in Client Issues Inbox meant that we took corrective action promptly.

Of course, when we would see items in the Gift Certificate Inbox, that usually meant that we needed to send in our Spa Finder vouchers so we could get paid.  If that wasn’t motivating for us, nothing was.

Staff Communications in writing were pretty rare in our business since we communicated verbally and through email, so that would also get priority.

Before the Magical Inboxes came into my life, all of these crucial items would get lost in a single inbox and were neglected which cause greater havoc due to missed deadlines or irate clients when they could’ve all been avoided with the right tools in place.  It was so much easier to prioritize my agendas after this.  And after we could afford to hire managers, having the Magical Inbox system in place was easy to teach and an invaluable tool for us all. We were able to communicate the urgency of tasks without even speaking to each other, so when we had time to speak, it was even more productive.

So to you all with inbox congestion, this will change your life and increase your productivity.  Your addiction to an empty inbox and outbox will overcome any abhorrence to organization you might have…guaranteed:-)