Voted as FAVORITE pic on WickedFire!

Well this is an overdue post, but here it is in all it’s glory. This was our first time to ASW and let me tell you, it was everything ‘they’ said it would be.

First, let me just explain that you are NOT looking at a prelude to an orgy, as a matter of fact, it was just one of those really happy moments that happens at these parties where hundreds of people do not know each other. We were even voted FAVORITE pic on WickedFire!

So you’re looking at:

• the not-so-famous me (and if you can’t figure out who I am since I’m the only girl here, then I’m gonna have to make sure I shave a little more often)
• the very famous John Chow (the only other Asian in the pic)
• the infamous Travis Skindzier (the only striped shirt on the bed)
• and my new friend Nathan (the only one even close to looking at the camera).

We’re actually sitting atop a perfectly round bed that rotates 360 degrees and looks out over this amazing view of the strip from the Palms hotel. This suite was spectacular to say the least. We’re talking, outdoor jacuzzi the size of a swimming pool, glass bottom floors, a bath tub that had water falling from the ceiling and an open bar. What more could we ask for? Oh wait, that’s right, a room full of gorgeous (yes, movie star-like) people. Thanks to the Neverblue Affiliate Network and Plenty of Fish for throwing such a fun bash!

THE SUMMIT – Day 1

Thank heavens there wasn’t a schedule I needed to adhere to, or my post would have much less for you. Jason & I leisurely made our way downstairs on the first day and walked around this cramped room full of tables of all sorts of exhibitors. Though my first impression was: unorganized and unruly, I soon realized that the first day is very informal. People were still starting to set up after 12 noon!

Other than a goodie bag, we didn’t miss much or get much done on the first day.

THE MEETUP

With things being quite chaotic, it was easy to break away and head to a meet up that Carl Fiorentino, better known as the famous DavBit, had arranged for us PPC-Coach & Media Buys Coach Members to finally meet face to face.

All affiliate marketers understand the intensely giving relationships forged on the world wide web and it’s amazing how you can speak to someone for a year or more and never see their face. I finally got to meet all these guys and (1) gal who I’d been working with in some form or another since last year.

This meetup was one of the highest items on my priority list and to check it off so successfully was super gratifying.

THE SUMMIT – Day 2 & 3

Ok, so the next days, they ‘meet’ market was opened up. This is a larger room where ALL the vendors congregate and pretty much peddle their services.

With 80% + of us walking around being internet marketers of some sort, there were a TON of affiliate networks on the prowl. However, the LAST thing I needed was yet ANOTHER network to tell me that ‘they’re going to guarantee me the highest payout.’ I realized it must be quite a tough gig for them with all the competition.

Most AM’s (affiliate marketers) I know are pretty loyal to a handful of networks even though they’ve got about 30 accounts open at various agencies. What I was looking for were new relationships with either direct advertisers or traffic sources. Unfortunately, the traffic sources were lacking, but there were quite a few direct advertisers in some new verticals I haven’t even tackled.

With all that being said, one of my main focuses for 2010 was getting a product of our own out. Not knowing which direction that would lead me, I met some pretty cool guys that will provide me just what I  am looking for that has prompted us to rebrand a very new and innovative product that will change one of the industry giants shortly. I can’t wait to get all of our packaging and distribution lined up so I can send you right to the product so you can promote it and make a killing off of it too!!! Stay tuned…

VALERIE – THE BEAUTIFUL TV GAL

As we were walking out of the summit on the 2nd day, we ran into this beautiful gal, Valerie, which the guys quickly tried to pick up. Turns out she was producing a television show to highlight the successes of internet marketers such as ourselves with unusual stories. She was interested enough in us to ask to interview all of us the next day.

Well through a chain of unavoidable events, Jason & I were the only ones that made it to the interview the next day. Valerie even had to finagle a way to get us back in since the summit was officially closed.

This lady was quite obviously a pro at what she did because the interview went without a hitch with just one take. I’ll post it as soon as I get a copy.

We even talked to the producers afterwards. After taking about 5 minutes to explain what affiliate marketing actually is in laymen’s terms, they invited me to explain this to the Oprah audience when they get on her show. I’ve had promises made to me in the past, but this is sure as heck one that I hope is fo’ realz! Harpo Studios…here I come!

OVERALL

The summit has opened up 2010 for infinite possibilities. My challenge has always been finding the time to do everything I possibly can while making sure I see my children too!

The networking aspect was as amazing as I expected and the product manufacturer I needed for the upcoming year was icing on the cake.

ADTECH

AdTech is quickly approaching in April, but I have a week with Nouveau Riche happening at the same time, so I’ll either have to do some fancy juggling or wait until the next AdTech.

TRUTH

For those of you that are looking for something to push you over the edge, I highly recommend you go to these summits. The networking alone will make your business in the next year to come. It is not uncommon for someone making $100 to scale it to $1,000 with the right resources behind them.

To your success!

Lee

]]> http://truthparlor.com/affiliate-summit-west-2010-the-aftermath.html/feed 0 http://truthparlor.com/affiliate-summit-west.html http://truthparlor.com/affiliate-summit-west.html#comments Sat, 16 Jan 2010 08:02:22 +0000 lee http://truthparlor.com/?p=1210 Well I’m counting down the minutes until I get on the plane to the place that makes me feel so good and so bad at the same time.  I’ve never had to go there for business before, but I’ll make sure to squeeze a few minutes of reckless abandon and write off the damages somehow;-)

I realized tonight I gotta get organized. All the group meetups and the network introductions will be super motivating. I’ll let you all in on secrets when I get back.

As a side note, this is just a reminder for those of you that are feeling like you’re running in a hamster wheel right now, working so hard on your business and not getting anywhere. These are times for reflecting as well as taking time out to work ‘ON’ your business, not just ‘IN’ your business.

2010 is going to be the best year ever…so take the time out to regroup in order to grow your business.

What a crazy week year it’s been! But this past weekend has topped it off. First off, my husband Jason and I have been in real estate for several thousand years. It’s what drew us together to begin with and continues to keep our marriage together…well that may be a little exaggerated.

A great friend of ours, Enzo, had told us about this Nouveau Riche College he went to a while back. Let me tell you, we were in no position to take 5 weeks out of our lives and $30k for a college that seemed like it rated at best, 2nd to the big real estate investment courses like Rich Dad, Poor Dad by Robert Kyosaki or Trump University. But fate has a funny way of messing with me. I bought ticket for Jason because he had expressed interest quite a while back, and it so happens that each ticket allows you  to bring a guest. I even talked to Jason about having a friend of ours take my place because I am so engrossed in our internet marketing right now, I couldn’t imagine then taking 3 whole days off just to get ‘back into’ real estate investing.

Megan & Zeke Zucaro

Megan & Zeke Zucaro are this powerhouse couple that didn’t just know their shit, they are living what they’re teaching. I’ve always preferred teachers that walked the walk and not just talking because they’re paid to do so. They’ve gotten to be such experts in the field of real estate investing that they’ve devoted their radio show to helping the every day Joe make life changing investment decisions.

I would say that I knew we were going to the Nouveau Riche College before we started the Wealth Summit, however, I also knew I wasn’t going to be signing up during the class. Well I was so wrong. The ultimate reason for me to change my mind (which I reserve the right to do, yet don’t exercise very often) is that the Zucaro’s were so real. They are not just brilliant, but they were good people. You know how you can just see goodness oozing from people’s pores sometimes? Man if they oozed any more, we’d have to develop a cream just for them.

When they talked about the right and wrong things to do regarding work ethic,  as well as the way to treat home sellers, home buyers, and all of their network (Realtors, fellow investors, contractors, etc.) I was so impressed that I realized I was crazy if I didn’t hook up with this network of gangsta investors…which I’ll talk more about later.

Subject To’s

Did you know that you can take over someone’s house for no money down? Literally, no money out of pocket. Not the scenarios are as varied as they are outrageous, but unfortunately, we’re in a distressed marketplace with owners that are desperate to get out from under their house note. We were literally given a dozen places to find these distressed buyers as well as a script on what to say to ensure a smooth conversation with home owners that are probably stressed out to the max. Not only that, with the relationships I built in those 3 days, I had some seasoned investors offer to walk me through my first deals.

Holy sheezus…that is worth 10x what I paid for those dang tickets!

Short Sales

Guys there are so many properties going to foreclosure right now with folks that are in desperate need of help. Subject To’s were one way of taking over properties without any money out of pocket with the end game of flipping or renting, however, short sales are an amazing way of grabbing properties before they go to foreclosure. Many of these deals are so highly discounted that it’s not unreasonable to walk away with $10k-100k at the closing table. The difference is that short sales will require money, yet the team at Nouveau Riche delivers again. Not only will you get the resources to tap into private money as well as hard money loans, but there’s a network of investors AT the summit and college that are waiting to work these deal with you!

Bank Rejections

I’ve seen so many newbie investors either lose their shirts on deals or make such a small margin that they quit before they even really get started. Well others will quit before a transaction is even underway because getting short sale offers through the first layer of bureaucracy is enough to make a grown man cry. So what magic does it take to get your offer accepted the first time, every time? I’ll be damned if they didn’t lay that out step by step too.

Working ON My Business

If you are too busy working IN your business, often times you will fore-go working ON your business and make up excuses like: I don’t have enough time, I don’t have enough money, etc. That’s one of the biggest mistakes of new entrepreneurs. We forget we need to take a step back to see the bigger picture in order to determine what the next strategic steps are. I have to admit that I am eternally grateful that I didn’t give away my tickets as originally planned – if this isn’t another life changing event for me, I don’t know what will be…

Networking

It turns out that Jason was the only Realtor there & in turn I was the only internet marketer there. So not only did we learn enough that we will have at least one transaction underway in the next month, but we met so many amazing people we’re hooking up with to trade knowledge and expertise. Boys and girls, I’m not talking about wanna be’s in the real estate world, but the quiet giants tiptoeing around all the amazing deals and grabbing them up while the rest of the pseudo-investors are thinking about, maybe, perhaps, soon, getting ready to make an offer.

First of all, I know my postings have been erratic at best. I’m still around and I contribute heavily in different forums even though my Twitter and Facebook activity have slowed down. Aside from all the summer activities and trips and broken down computer issues more times than I can count, mostly, I’ve holed myself up to get deeper into the world of PPC marketing (Pay Per Click marketing). I’ll get to my actual PPC Coach Review in a minute…

So I get a lot of inquiries through my various sites and the most common question I get is : “How can I make money fast?”

When I outline the specific steps it takes to be able to quit their day job, a combination of laziness and/or scaredy cats come out.

Everyone’s looking for some magic pill and a 3 step answer to their financial dilemmas. The hardest part is dealing with the unrealistic expectations of those that have ‘decided they want to work at home now.’  I often get comments such as these:

I really want to make money fast, but I don’t want to have to pay to do this.

I don’t have any money to spend but I have to make money fast.

I just want a job where I can work on my computer. Do you know where I can get one of those that’s not a scam and where I don’t have to spend anything?

I don’t think it’s real if I have to pay money to get the information I need.

So anyways, this is for 10% of you folks that really understand what hard work is. When you work for yourself, you are in business. Yes, you may wear all the hats of CEO, CFO, Marketing Exec, Customer Service Representative, and Janitor, but that doesn’t diminish your business in the least.  You have to treat it like a business or risk going out of business within the first 1-12 months.

What I’m hoping to get across in this post (which has been brewing for quite some time) is that if you aren’t afraid of hard work, losing a bit of investment capital, and brain-racking-aha-moments that will keep you up some late nights and having you miss some kick ass parties because you’d rather throw up some PPC campaigns, then you getting to a position of working for yourself in the comfort of your own home isn’t just possible but probably and being done by thousands of affiliate marketers across the world.

This is about the only way that I know of where you can legally print your own money. I’m sure you’ve seen all those hyped up ads of people making $12,248 in 10 days or ‘earn $72,558 in a month’ or some bullshit like that all over the place. Warning: 97% of them are scams. They are most likely some offer to sell you an ebook of how to ‘type little ads’ and make thousands with Google. The trouble with most of those awesome sounding Easy Google Cash, Google Fast Cash, Easy Tweet Profits or like offers is that they give you the outline of what you need to do, but they never reveal how to keep getting your ass handed back to you on a silver platter by Google, Yahoo, MSN & Facebook advertising platforms (amongst a hundred others).

That being said, that leaves the other 3% which are as real as you can get and will blow your mind with their money making tactics. You will never view the internet the same way again.

What is Affiliate Marketing?

IMHO, it is the best way for you to market a product (which you do not have to create, stock or ship) and get them into the hands of millions of consumers that want that product right now. You’re basically leveraging the traffic from search engines through their advertising platforms:

• Google Adwords
• Yahoo Search Marketing (YSM) Right now you get $125 credit with Promo Code USTD09
• MSN Adcenter
• Facebook
• Myspace
• 7Search

…just to name a few, and directing that traffic to laser targeted products. You do this by creating an ad (exactly like the ones you see on the top and right sides of Google) and then targeting your audience by bidding on specific keywords  that you think are relevant to Googlers.

When that ad is displayed your ‘punter’ (also known as the clicker, Googler, potential customer, etc.) will click on your ad and will get sent to the offer you direct them to. So at first, you will mostly likely start off in a niche that is less competitive so that you can learn without losing your shirt. I would hate for you to think this didn’t work by starting in a niche like Ringtones and having super affiliates pummel you into the ground…then you’d walk away penniless and thinking this doesn’t work when in fact, you’re one great ad away from financial independence.

What is CPA?

CPA stands for Cost Per Action. This is where it starts to get even more interesting. Cost Per Action affiliate programs are where you get your punter to simply enter an email address or zip code and you get paid on average $1-$1.50.  There are longer form CPAs that pay up to $200+ for information such as names, addresses, age, etc. Now I know that the email/zip submits don’t sound like something you could retire from, but let’s say that you promote an American Airlines offer and got 1,000 punters to enter in their email addresses for 2 American Airlines tickets.

Well, even at the low end of $1 per email, you’re looking at $1,000 for a few hours worth of work. What makes CPAs so attractive is that the punters don’t even need to make a purchase for you to get paid. Of course, you would need to factor in your costs of advertising so even you if were to take home only 25% of that, that’s still $250 for setting up a campaign that generally takes me about 1-2 hours these days.

The next thing you do is find more CPA offers and scale your success. Rinse & repeat.

What Are Affiliate Networks?

So the next question is, where do you find these offers? You get these offers from the hundreds of affiliate networks out there. The best advice is to stay away from the smaller ones. They can have cash flow problems to a point where if an advertiser doesn’t pay them because they don’t like the quality of your traffic, then the affiliate network just won’t pay you.  The larger affiliate networks have the ability to cover such losses if they want to keep you as one of their marketers.

Some really great ones (which have always paid me on time) are:

• Flux
• EWA (Private Network) You’ll have to leave me a message if you want to join this one because they work on a by invitation only policy.
• Azoogle
• Maxbounty
• Tatto
• Commission Junction
• Advaliant
• Clickbank
• PayDotCom

You can also set up private deals, but we’ll get into that at a later date as well.

PPC Coach: What is it?

Ok, so if at this point, your mind is racing a million miles a minute, then PPC Affiliate Marketing may be the right direction for you.

PPC Coach is a forum that I joined back in May. It is a community of just under 3,000 affiliate marketers.

I hate PPC Coach.

Here’s why. Every day, I log on and my routine is to read the newest ‘relevant’ posts since my last visit. And from there, I have to work EXTREMELY hard to not let it sidetrack me. There are tons of new ideas and techniques posted by the brainiest of the braniacs and I have to make sure that I stay on course or I can easily find a new project to deter me from my immediate goals.

Other reasons I hate PPC Coach:

• If you’re slacking and not making money, the forum will call you on it. They don’t let you get away with shit.
• You can’t be an asshole to others in the forum without getting some shit kicked back at you or even kicked out of the forum.
• The people there won’t just give you the damn answers, they will guide you and teach you, but you HAVE to learn it for yourself.
• There’s a bunch of know-it-alls that are killin’ it in this field and they’re all like 19. I think I’m among the top 20 oldest folks there.
• They’re always on top of the trend, so for a while you feel like you’re runnin’ to keep up.
• They have so much information on that forum that I couldn’t just finish it in a day. It’s been months and there are thousands of threads I may never get to for the sake of moving on to new stuff.
• There’s always at least 200 (or more) people on it that are way smarter than you.
• It’s 99% testosterone and 1% estrogen. Could be a plus if you’re a woman seeking a man or a teenager (ahem).

Ok, so really, all these things produce this love-hate relationship with that place, and seriously, it’s all love from me. I went in know zilch about PPC Marketing and have been able to generate amazing ROI’s that range from 10%-300%. My campaigns average about 50%-100% ROI after my testing phases. It’s a hell of a lot better than any of the stock trades I’ve made in the past.

How does it work?

Well, this is a paid members forum and there are 12 months that are truly segmented off. Each month Coach (Will Hamerl) covers 1-4 different techniques that you can apply to make money both right away and long term. The goal is to get you to making $100/day with the 1st month’s techniques before moving onto the more complicated yet lucrative projects.

The first month is the hardest. You’re probably going to question your sanity and even have a few gray hairs pop up, but follow it and keep pluggin along. You’ll find that things start to click and all of a sudden, you can rightfully say you own your own internet marketing company.

So I pay just over $40 USD (he bills in Canadian dollars so it’ fluctuates a dollar or 2 each month, but it’s the best $40 investment I’ve ever made in my online business) every month. But here’s the kicker – the reasons why you’ll NEVER cancel this forum if you’re serious about making online cash are:

• All of the tools that he provides as a part of this membership are FREE. Yep, free. The tools are worth the membership alone. If you’ve ever had to hand craft 4500 keywords for Google Adwords by hand into groups of 50, or if you’ve ever wanted to take 500 KW’s and create individual adgroups for them…well, it’s a pain in the ass to say the least and takes hours. But his Adwords Magic tool will spit it out in seconds.
• Any tool that he didn’t create himself (and you want to buy from an outside source) he gives you the commission back on. For example: I just watched a webinar on a wordpress cloaker tool that retails for $197. Well, with all the bells and whistles and after coaches discount, we paid less than $99 for it.
• You’ll get individual attention from Coach himself. I can’t tell you how many times I shot over landing pages or domain names for him to critique. He’s always gotten back to me within a day, and often times within a few hours or less.

This is a place for only the serious online warrior. And I can’t praise this place enough or Coach enough for the structure of the place and the kind of community he has created. If you have ever visited WickedFire, you’ll see the difference is night and day. Yes, you get some cool info on WF, but I’ve also seen people get chewed up and spit out over there.

This place has everything I need between the community help, 1 on 1 help from coach and the free tools. I can’t see myself leaving (ever) so if you need any assistance, make sure to send me a private message there & I’ll do what I can. My handle there is leebo1010. I’m working on a Yahoo Search Marketing geo-targeting direct linking guide (which I hope to find time to finish here in between the different campaigns), so be on the lookout for that in the forum.

This Sounds Too Good To Be True

I’m sure it does if you don’t have an entrepreneurial spirit. The truth is, that you have people from all over the world, both genders and all age groups kicking ass in affiliate marketing. And quite frankly, I’m proud to say that some of the people who have helped me the most are on average 10 years younger than I am. This just gets me more motivated.

This is HARD work. This will give you sleepless nights from wanting to jump out of bed to check on your campaigns. This will upset some of your family members and friends because you’ll be so wrapped up devising campaigns that you won’t be attentive enough. The first $10 you make will be the hardest of probably your entire working life. However, once you understand how to make $10, you can scale it and make it $20, then $50 then $100 per day.

There are a couple of folks that still posts regularly in forum which you’ll recognize quickly, who are making over $1,000 on a bad day. They’ve got their life so tightly organized that they still have time to help newbies along the way, and I will forever be grateful to them.

How Much Time Do I Need to Devote?

That’ll depend on how much time you’ve got and how quickly you want to make your first $10. Many people moonlight with PPC until they are consistently making enough money every day to quit their full time jobs. So I’ve met some awesome guys who would work their jobs 9-5 then go home and work 6-midnight on their campaigns until they’ve made enough consistently to quit or until their full time jobs started to cut into their PPC action.

I however, have had the luxury of devoting my time to this (though with lots of interruptions) and have learned more about cookie stuffing and Facebook’s dick roll than I ever wanted to know (not that this is what’s promoted, you just get an education in the industry). So I have campaigns that I set up my first month there that I haven’t touched at all that’s still making me a great ROI.

What Other Costs Should I Be Aware Of?

• You will need to buy a domain (your website name). I use NameBoy to help me figure out the name, but I don’t buy it there. I then mosey on over to 1and1 to buy my domains because they’re always having some sale and more importantly, they ALWAYS give you free anonymous registration which other places will charge you another $8-$10 for. Right now the promo is $6.99 for a dot com domain name, but that changes constantly.
• After you get the name, you will need a place for your domain to reside so you need to get a hosting package. I personally use Hostgator (which I’ve used for all my sites even before PPC). There’s a mad discount where you can get it for 1 penny your first month if you use the promo code: wordpress. And I just opted for the baby plan which costs me $7.95 for unlimited domains.
• There are only about 500 other tools that you CAN buy if you want to, but you don’t need ANYTHING when you first start out other than the free tools Coach offers.

I’ve used some earnings from PPC to get the tools that I wanted/needed most. I’ll make a post of my faves later too.

Ok, that’s my take on PPC Coach. Since you all are so curious as to how I make the bulk of my cash these days, you now have my secret.

Let me know if you have any questions and I’ll be happy to answer it for all to see. I’ll start posting some techniques that I use for keyword research and adgrouping as the year progresses.

Good luck on your internet ventures!

~PS Didn’t you know that hitting F5 makes money show up?

Facebook

The biggest complaint are from the other advertisers who have spend their hard earned money testing and their own brain juice to create an add and target it properly with the right offers to these massive crowds on the social networking sites like Facebook.

Another issue that has arisen, other than stolen ad copy, is the abundance of click fraud that happens from their competitors who instead of spending their time creating kick ass campaigns, part take in shitty advertising tactics like using bots to fraudulently click on competitors ads to drive their competitors’ costs so high that they have to eventually give up that campaign.  Thank goodness for the valuable CPM option, however, it shows that ethics in this business is down the shit hole and has been there for as long as this business has existed.

Marketers who participate in perpetuating click fraud are like those lowly basement dweebs who do nothing but create Trojans and mal-ware that do damage to your life in the various ways including financially. They don’t have the skills and confidence that they can make it in this cut throat business without screwing with other people’s business.

Will Your Information Be Turned Over to Facebook?

However, as far as the creator of the Facebook Spy goes, he stands behind his product because it did not automatically produce fraudulent clicks. He ws asked to provide a list of his customers and he’s telling FB to go to hell on that request.

Though I haven’t actually purchased a copy and have only recently visually seen it’s capabilities, I can completely understand why advertisers and Facebook are pissed off.  However, like any other advertising medium, your ad copy is generally not copyrighted and trademarked unless you take the effort to do so, which is quite unrealistic with the mass production of ad copy and their revisions from super affiliates.

So move on and make some money folks.

This agreement is suggested to make the user experience on both of these platforms easier, faster and more personalized.

However, coming from both a user of these search engines as well as Google (which I affectionately term Big G) this gives Internet marketers an advantage as well. How? Well…

• We’re looking at a decrease in ad costs when there are more advertising mediums to choose from.
• Big G might have to re-evaluate their policies and stop being such asses to their advertisers. So you may see Google Slaps decreasing.
• Yahoo Search Marketers will get the benefit of Microsoft/Bing’s technology, which means NO MORE HAND CRAFTING duplicate campaigns. We will have a desktop client which will cut our work time by 60%+!

Actually, I had a very pleasant conversation with a YSM representative earlier last week and she DID say that Yahoo Search Marketing would have a desktop client before the end of the year, though I couldn’t pull out any more information as to when this might occur. Now it looks like this might be a fantastic result of the Microsoft and Yahoo merger?

At any rate, I say bring it on. The finality of this deal won’t come to pass until 2010 and I’m quite certain anti-trust laws will be addressed, but this is great news for us in the Internet marketing business.

You can read more about it here:

Microsoft, Yahoo! Change Search Landscape

Microsoft, Yahoo! agree on Internet Search Partnership

If you can't figure out which one's my grandma, then this may be the wrong blog for you.

My favorite Auntie & her beautiful family tops this list:

Grandma, Aunt Lisa & her oldest daughter Rosalinda.

But from the time I was little (we’ve had our family reunion/grandma’s milestone birthdays since I was little), I remember one of my favorite things about Canada is that their potato chip selection is vastly different than ours. For God’s sake, the make ketchup chips.

Ketchup chips are even better than salt & vinegar & dill pickle chips, though I love them both, they don’t come close to the delectable tangy sensation of each crunchy bite.

Best dang chips this side of the great lakes.

So while we’re talking about food, here’s a shot of how we Chinese folks like to eat: 12 course meals or no food at all. If you speak Chinese, you can hear my dad in the background saying, “She just keeps eating (referring to me).” But duh, who wouldn’t keep eating that scrumptious food?:

Yes, we really eat like this all the time. Especially when we get together after a long time apart. We only had 8 courses the night before though, so it wasn’t video worthy. Though we apparently got a tongue lashing from the horrible waiter because he was left just under a 10% tip…but when I say he was awful, I mean, he never cracked a smile, was not gracious. We had to set down our own plates and dishes. He never asked if we needed anything, we always had to flag him down, etc.

Anyhow, that was like the worst part of the trip and was over so quickly and was awesome from then on.

So we caused quite a ruckus, as we always do with these big family trips.

So follow the math here:

There are 6 of us and only 5 can fit in my dad’s car for the road trip up. Sooo, I fly up while Dad, hubby, 2 kids + my nephew drive up. This means:

1. Friday:  Pick me up from the airport
2. Saturday:  Pick up my sister from the airport
3. Sunday: Drive my hubby to the airport
4. Tuesday: Drive my sister to the airport
5. Thursday: Drive my uncle to the airport
6. Saturday: Drive my aunt & cousins to the airport

6/8 days were spent shuttling to the airport and back as well as seeing lots of family & Niagara falls (I’ll post a vid after all have been rendered and uploaded to YouTube).

But all in all, it was so good for my heart & soul. Each time I see my tiny little grandmother I remember it may be my last and hold on to her as much as I can. This feisty old woman is worth every straight 24 hour drive we take up there.

So here’s to Canada: you hold the keys to my heart…my family & ketchup chips.

Let’s face it, no matter how great my wonderful boys are and as supportive as my husband is with almost everything I do, it was still nice to have someone who actually wanted to watch my favorite girly shows and could stomach a conversation about anti-aging methods and boob lifts.

So here’s to you my dear friend.

Congratulations on your beautiful home…and no matter what your Realtor says, your new stained concrete floors are super fab!

I’ll miss our Smoothie Sundays and thanks for kicking my butt into (yoga) gear. I’m now no longer a hater of Jamba Juice, and will remember you every time we juice up some carrots around here.

Thanks for not hurting yourself on the mess of toys (those damn legos will cut as hard as razorblades) since I would’ve hated for our homeowner’s insurance to rise because a bodily injury claim. Thanks for doing dishes after you’ve worked all day when you didn’t even dirty one up.  Thanks for staying up past midnight many nights when trying to help salvage one of our businesses after it was beaten to hell by our buyers.

Thanks for joining Facebook with me so I could have at least one friend.

Thanks for telling me about all the fun places Dallas has to offer up. You’ve experienced more places in 9 months than I have in 28 years here. WTF – I gotta get out more. I bow down to you and Gladys (her GPS).

Thanks for laughing (and not fleeing) when Justin would run a full circle around the house naked before each and every bath. Oh, and of course for acting like you’ve never seen anything like that even the 200th time.

Thanks for walking Donut. He loves you the most.

And many thanks for just listening to me rant. A lot. Actually, let’s say the internet thanks you for listening to me rant so they don’t have to (much). Jason thanks you for talking to me…it’s saved him many hours of engaging and intense conversations;-) But I’m wondering, who’s gonna greet him when he comes home now? He’s going to miss seeing a woman doing laundry in his home…

We’ll keep your room in the exact condition you left it, in case you are on this side of town and feel like a slumber party. We won’t even wash your sheets. I’ll even put the police tape up so no one even crosses into your room.

We’ll miss you…but enjoy that home and all your good looking, single, tool-toting guy neighbors!

New Passport Law

You’ve probably heard about the recent changes to the passport law.To cross the border by land, you now have to have at least a passport ‘card.’ If you are traveling by air, you MUST have a passport ‘book.’

Family Reunion

Well, we’ve been planning this trip to see my only living grandparent, my dad’s mom, for over 6 months now for her 90 birthday party and a family reunion that happens like once a decade. We’re coasting along and all of a sudden we’re caught up in a rush to get passport cards for our kids.

So what’s the big deal? Well try this:

1. They just changed this law just a few weeks ago.
2. Dad didn’t get his VC approval until Tuesday of this week (that would’ve nixed our trip if he couldn’t go).
3. My sister & I rush online to fill out paperwork online. This part was awesome.
4. I fill out the passport card info since it’s half the price, add the ‘expedite’ fee which is another $60 (per kid) though they can’t even tell you for sure how fast it will get here.
5. We get to the post office to turn in our application and you can’t expedite a passport card, only a passport book. So even though it gives you the option online to expedite the card and even tells you your fees, it’s not allowed. WTF. Really?
6. Now we’re paying double what we anticipated and all because it all happened so fast that even if we would’ve applied the same day they announced the changes, they wouldn’t have guaranteed it’s arrival in time. Ok, I know I’m cheap, but I hate to pay almost double for something that will only last half the time an adult’s passport will. Kids under 16 years of age only  have a 5 year life span on their passports.
7. I have made 4 trips to get passports for my kids & nephew. Don’t ask why 4 separate trips were needed or your computer will self destruct at the obscene obstacles. (Ok, to be fair, one of the extra trips was my own fault for not reading the fine print & having a birth certificate for one of my kids. Duh.)

Don’t Ask Any Questions

So of course you know me, I have to open my big mouth and ask the nice, overworked post office lady who could care less if our family makes it to our reunion, “So what happened to all those families who had their summer vacations planned across the border who didn’t have the time or resources to get their passport cards processed? Especially if it’s really taking a true 6-8 weeks to process?”

Now I get a disdainful, “Well, it’s been on the news for yeeeears. Haven’t you watched the news at all? So everyone should’ve been prepared for this…blah blah blah.”

Oh my God. Bullshit. Not the post office lady’s fault, but again, poor planning again by our government. I’ve stopped expending my energy trying to figure them out.

And then, when on my 2 trip to the post office to help my nephew, Darren, get his passport, the lady said that we had to have a notarized copy of this form when it clearly states and option for when:

You are the applying parent or guardian, and the written consent of the non-applying parent or guardian cannot be obtained.

So when I translate this into Lee-ese, I take this to mean that my sister could fill that portion out without a hitch. Well, we even went an extra step to have my Darren’s dad write up a letter and fax it to us, but this new post office lady said we needed to have  a notarized copy of the form.

Um. I have read that statement over and over again. Can anyone explain why I would think it was OK to just have his mom there and note from his dad. Where did I misinterpret “and the written consent of the non-applying parent or guardian cannot be obtained.”

You know the funny thing after writing all of this is that it’s sooo jumbled and that’s how I feel my life has been the past few days with my multiple trips and attempts to compete all of this in time. And it also feels like a crazy rant…so should I just delete this thing so you don’t lose 3 minutes of your life on this ridiculous subject? Apparently not.

PS – You can thank me later for not getting into the wait time at the post offices. Absurd.

Well, if you’ve been following on Twitter, you’ve heard far too much about how old faithful went to computer heaven after 3 years. So it’s been tough doing much of anything without any of my ‘tools’ on a temporary computer. But moving on…

First: I’m catching up. I’ll get to your DM’s and emails. Swear it. I also got a really cool email integrated plugin for the comments section, but it looks to be screwing up my design. The (free) Disqus commenting plugin lets me respond/approve/delete you right from my email so it’s much easier to work (especially if you manage several websites).

Ok, www, since it had been so long since my last post, I had decided it would be a super fabulous idea on my part to put up a video since I can talk way faster than I can type, edit and link. Well after wasting a whole day on that, I give up. For now. I’ve had this shitty little Lifecam from yep, Microsoft, for a couple of years and used it to Skype w/o any real issues. But when I tried this vlog, the picture quality was at best grainy & cartoon like, but the worst part it looked like I was in some sort of Chinese flick with a voiceover.

I’m not bashing that, but hell man, I speak English. Mostly.

So, even though I showered, did my hair & put on make-up for y’all, it sadly didn’t pan out. I’m on the lookout for good suggestions on webcams.

I’m splitting up the rest of this into mini posts because the topics deserve their own webspace.

See you in a minute…