Giving Advice About…

One of the best pieces of advice came from a rather surprising source when I was about 7 months pregnant with my first son Nicholas.  I was only 21, working for peanuts at American Airlines, but loving the self-proclaimed notoriety of being the youngest instructor to walk the halls of the SRO (Southern Reservations Office).

Even through my rather thick skull, I knew that the challenges of raising a child on a $10+ an hour job as a single mother was going to be arduous at best.  Everyone else around me anticipated the same for me so they thought it best to bombard me with not only the best clothes and other baby necessities, but also their infinite wisdom on parenting.

From “don’t heat up your baby bottles” to “just put vaseline on the Q-Tip before you swirl it around the baby’s butt hole and he’ll blast you with his shit and the contstipation bout will be over – oh, and make sure you do it in the bathtub because it’s nasty”, I was inundated with people giving me advice about everything…

I distinctly remember being completely overwhelmed, over tired and scared shitless when one of my past students in a continuation class I had taught some time back said to me, “Lee, let me give you some advice about…”

And I thought to myself, crap, I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but I’m a in a crabby pregnant mood and I could have the first volcanic eruption the SRO’s ever seen if I have one more person gives me advice about…anything.

So as I started the self-talk that would eventually calm down the drumming in my ears that drowned out her voice, I was able to tune back in, paste my famous Lee-smile on my face and take another one for the team. But what she said was so profoundly impactful on the rest of my pregnancy and the way I approached motherhood that I thought not sharing it would be such a loss for new parents struggling with sanity and their emotional well being.

Her advice to me: “…don’t listen to anyone’s advice. You have the instincts to be a great mother. Just listen to your heart, you will know what to do.”

Just like that I felt like a ginormous weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.  No longer did I feel like I was compelled to burn each and every piece of advice onto my little brain.  For the first time, someone’s message to me wasn’t, ” You obviously don’t know what the hell you are doing since you are just a child yourself.” but rather, “You are a smart, intuitive and capable woman who has all the natural gifts of motherhood.”

This one encounter effectually changed not only my day, but affected my actions for years to come.  It has taught me another precious lesson:

Unless someone asks you for advice, shut your trap.

Unsolicited advice only brews resentment and irritation.  Makes you seem like a know-it-all and can very effectively punch someone in their self-esteem-gut and knock ‘em out for while.  If you are just compelled to be that very obnoxious person who just has to give out unsought advice about…whatever…you may want to consider starting your own blog.  At least this way, you know that if someone’s reading your article, they pursued it:-)

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