My Parents Are Buddhists, My Husband’s an Atheist, and I Love Jesus
I Worship Pagan Gods
Not!
A while back, I wrote an article about LOUD Christians. Religion is not something I often discuss with my friends and family, but tonight was an exception. I had a long time friend from high school over & while it’s not unusual for us to spend 8+ hours together cooking, shopping and watching Oprah, it’s also commonplace for us to talk about everything from politics, sex, relationships, POLYGAMY, work, and religion. We covered our the spectrum again tonight and it sparked this post. For the sake of protecting the innocent, we’ll call my friend Deb.
So here’s what Deb unearthed about me after 16 years of friendship: My parents are Buddhists, my husband’s an atheist, and I LOVE Jesus.
“Well how the hell does that work?” she asked. Though her suggestion of writing a book on this topic ain’t happening anytime soon (at least for as long as I have to pencil in time to bathe), I agreed that you guys probably have some opinions of your own & I want to hear it!
Buddhism
My parents are practicing Buddhists. They are consistent in their beliefs and part take in all of the customs that are associated with being Buddhists. They go to temple and we have a feast on Chinese New Years.
Here’s a very insightful look at Buddhism. And no, for those of you who think that reading about Buddhism will send you to hell, let me reassure you that it won’t, but your ignorance may…g
“Buddhism has the characteristics of what would be expected in a cosmic religion for the future: it transcends a personal God, avoids dogmas and theology; it covers both the natural & spiritual, and it is based on a religious sense aspiring from the experience of all things, natural and spiritual, as a meaningful unity” A widely cited, but apparently spurious quotation attributed to Albert Einstein*
The Drepung Loseling Institute states:
“Like all major religions, Buddhism contains an explanation of the origin of existence, a morality, and a specific set of rituals and behaviors. … Buddhism presents a transformational goal, a desire to improve one’s situation, and a distinct moral code. **
Kerry Trembath writes that Buddhism is not what we call a “top-down religion” — one in which a deity reveals religious and spiritual truths to humanity. It is a “bottom-up religion” created by humans as an attempt to express spiritual concepts:
“Buddhism does not deny the existence of gods or of other worlds, and indeed the devotional practices of many Buddhist traditions involve the veneration and invocation of special beings such as Avalokitesvara (known as Kw
an Yin to many Chinese, or Kannon to the Japanese). However, at its core Buddhism is a non-theistic religion and, unlike other world religions, Buddhism is not a doctrine of revelation. The Buddha did not claim to be the bearer of a message from on high. He made it clear that what he taught he had discovered for himself through his own efforts.”
“The Buddha himself is revered not as a deity or supernatural being but as a very special kind of human being. He was a human who achieved the ultimate in development of his human potential. The Buddha taught that this achievement is within the reach of every human being, and he spent his life teaching a practical methodology which, if followed with purity of mind and great diligence, would enable others to reach the same objective. In other words, he taught a method rather than a doctrine. When questioned about the validity of his teachings, the Buddha did not refer to the higher authority of a deity. He explained that his teachings were based on his own direct personal experience, and he invited all who were interested to test for themselves whether the method he taught was effective.”
It’s very easy for me to understand the attraction of gravitating to and anchoring yourself to such a belief system. There is peace in every aspect of Buddhism. If your conversations about your religion don’t give you a sense of peace but rather a defensive stance towards your ‘opponent’ & their beliefs, then are you really living the way of your own doctrines? And if your answer is yes, then your religion or your interpretation of your religion is not the route I would like to take with my life.
Here’s a very basic introduction to Buddhism written by students of Buddhist Psychology.
So let’s get this straight. My parents practice Buddhism, they do not worship Buddha. They don’t talk to Buddha like so many of us talk to Jesus. They practice a way of life and belief system.
Are they good Buddhists? Well, that just makes me think of the definition of a good Christian. We can all improve our ways but we live according to what we believe in most, what’s most important to us, what resonates with us and let’s be truthful here: what’s easiest and most self serving at the moment.
Onto my Atheist Husband
Wikepedia will tell you:
Atheism is the position that deities do not exist,[1] or the rejection of theism.[2] In the broadest sense, it is the absence of belief in the existence of deities.[3]
So really, he’s saying that he doesn’t believe in God(s), Jesus and the Holy Spirit. End of story.
I’ve often asked him how he could believe that there isn’t something greater than we are. I mean, it would be so sad for the universe if we humans were the only intelligent life. Reeeeaaally sad.
He believes in evolution or the big bang and more importantly, I believe that he doesn’t even care to dwell on this topic any longer because he’s already spent his time searching out the meaning of life. Many heated debates have ended up with one of us (okay me) stomping off in frustration because…
I LOVE Jesus…
Now I may not love Jesus in the same way that so many Jesus lovers do. I do not think that you have to talk to him via a Priest. I don’t believe any number of Hail Mary’s will suffice for repentance and absolve you of your sins. I don’t believe you have to believe in him and accept him as your ‘saviour’ to avoid the fiery pits of hell. I don’t love him so much that I use him as a shield to hide behind when my actions are just plain stupid.
I just love Jesus.
This means that I believe he lived and died for us. This means that doing the right thing is often very difficult, but suck it up and don’t be such a pansy. This means that I don’t pass so many judgements (as I did before – I’m not 100% perfect on this one folks because I’m sooo opinionated, but my judgemental ticker has climbed down dramatically.) This means that I believe that humans were created, not that we were some accident that came out of a cosmic explosion.
This also means that I don’t really know how the hell we were created and by whom. But here’s what I do know: just because we don’t believe in something, doesn’t mean it’s not true.
Like if you don’t believe in Ghosts, Astral Projections, Lucid Dreaming, telekinesis, telepathy, etc., that doesn’t mean they don’t exist or aren’t real. They’re just not real to you.
So again, I reserve the right to let you be and grant you choice of life, religion, politics and love. But I expect the same. If you can’t give me that in return, then it’s time we get out of each other’s spaces.
So how do I live with an Atheist?
The better question may be: how does he live with me? You see, part of this life journey of mine is learning better how to accept and grant others beingness. Ironically enough, I learned this concept from the Church of Scientology. But no matter if I picked this up from the COS or a Buddhist temple or Catholic church first, it resonates with me and I get it.
We often are so wrapped up in other’s beliefs & how much different they are from our own that we forget that we’re not the “belief police.” If my life was centered around a religion, then quite certainly, Big J-oda & I would never have made it past the alter. But because my beliefs are a part of my beingness and the philosophies of acceptance, life, love, relationships and purpose are ever evolving for me, it’s hard for me to make judgements of whether or not someone should believe in a God who no one has ever laid eyes on.
Faith is what gives me hope & direction, so I choose to believe in God. But I also believe in the life philosophies of Buddha.
Love and family is what gives Big J-oda hope, so that’s what he chooses to put his faith in. He could certainly have put his faith in worst things like cocaine, diseased prostitutes, and the devil himself. So what do I really have to complain about?
When it comes to our children, we’ll present them with all of the theories and allow them the right to decide for themselves. Then we can have even more heated debates at the kitchen table. I can’t wait!
The Truth
I would rather build a life with an honest, kind, strong human being who is an atheist than a man who hides behind the cross and uses it as a deflector. Here are a few examples:
Need more?
Again, I say, the louder you scream you’re a Christian, the less of a good Christian you are.
Namaste
PS…Buddha wasn’t fat. Not even close.
*This quotation is often cited as appearing in Helen Dukas & Banesh Hoffman, Eds., “Albert Einstein: The Human Side,” Princeton University Press, (1954). It looks like something he could have written or said. It resembles the type of language found in other religious and spiritual material that Einstein wrote. But there appears to be no evidence that it is actually his. A search on Google for a phrase from this quotation found that it is found at about 316 locations on the Internet. However, as explained in http://en.wikiquote.org/, item 14, he probably never wrote it. Still, someone wrote it. Also it contains many interesting insights. So, we included it.
**”Is Buddhism a religion?” Drepung Loseling Institute, at: http://www.drepung.org/
when my family came over to the united states, we were sponsored by a church called St Mary’s. the sponsors took us to church every sunday and i had to sit there falling asleep, bored and tired from the speeches and what not, while their kids go off to the little sunday school and came back with cool fingerpaints and what not.
i always wondered as a kid what kind of chip they ate and what kind of water they drank. and then stopped wondering because we stopped going, im assuming that my parents refused to go anymore being that they were raised over seas as buddhists
me? im not christian, im not buddhist, im not catholic, im not a scientologist, im not even an atheist…i’d like to call myself an independent. simply because i’ve been raised around so many beliefs and religious standards that, i dont know what to believe, or what not to believe.
so i figured i’ll just create my own label as an independent –do what I think is right and now what others think is right..live by your own standards, pay it forward, accept every person as an equal no matter how ignorant and how much they push you to do believe in a factor that they probably dont even believe in but they were preached and now they’re preaching it..
i know a “heavy christian” that pushed me to read the bible, love the lord, go to church on sundays and even not cuss =/ i grew up cussing because i was around people that cuss (no parents but other kids) but now, i tend to speak with more of an outlook – more of a tongue towards perception (meaning i just bullshit acting like i know what im talking about but i really dont lol), but anyways, she was preaching all these things to me regarding the christian faith and beliefs and how she will not go against it and what not, a few months later, she lost it (you know what im talking about) i dated her by the way, i tried to do what she was preaching to me just becuase i was “in love” with her, and i totally was, but she did me wrong and i stopped caring about what she was preaching when i realized she was just trying to change me from being myself (the awesome person that i am)
but sum it all up just do the things you feel is right, live life to the fullest so there’s no regrets, and decide your own path and direction to create your own future (i think i rambled on ms lee, my fault)
Pheak our histories run so parallel. I was introduced to Christianity because a church sponsored us over in ’80. And since then, I’ve tried to learn every religion possible just to broaden my experiences. I even got my atheist hubby to go to church with me so we could try to bring some spirituality in our lives and the damn bishop gets convicted of raping 3 members of the church and doing meth. This was a HUGE church too! So our hopes of finding spirituality/religion together was shot to hell pretty literally.
I like ‘independent.’ It suits you…and just from the interaction that we’ve had, I believe you. I bet a million bucks that you’re just a straight shooter and there’s just plain goodness in you.
Keep rambling…
hmmm you’ve won the million bucks, my opinion on myself isn’t what you’ve said though i like how you said it. the goodness in me = i hate seeing other people being picked on i hate discrimination i hate prejudice and i’ll stand up for it, but thats all about it.
I did a lot of things that i’m probably gonna go to hell for lol, its true though, but funny in a way where i laugh at myself at some certain time when i start to catch myself drifting off reminiscing on the things that i’ve done and wished i didnt do. but yet life’s full of mistakes so that’s my excuse for everything i’ve done wrong in the past.
that’s crazy about the bishop raping and doing drugs, but i’ve read a lot about the churches with the priests and what not doing things opposite of what they’re preaching. that’s crazy, but i cant understand how you can just rape another person, thats just me though.
you’re right though we do run parallel within our background. we were here in the 80′s as well and honestly..the girl i spoke of in my earlier post dumped me twice, foolish of me taking her back for the 3rd as well..because her excuse was of difference in religious beliefs but i’ve recently mistakenly stepped into the truth not that long ago and she was cheatin the whole time we was together. so she goes against what she preaches right there to me, and gets mad when my friends(girls) talk to me. hypocritical – cheating – lying – and the falsification of religious beliefs stupid girl =P
it’s because of her i took about 2-3 philosophy classes in college and researched on my own time the many sides to religion and practices – i think i know more about her own religion than she does now. thanks for the compliment at the end of your reply though – but honestly you give me way too much credit for someone im not. but i think you’re one of the coolest i’ve encountered via www.
Wow. Isn't it funny what we'll do when we think we're in love? Just the hoops we'll jump through is amazing. I know because I've jumped through a few myself=)
I almost became Jewish for an ex-fiance. I'm glad that I'm still just plain ole Jesus-lovin-Lee without a title (Jewish, Catholic, Mormon, etc.) name in front of it.
So what do you teach your son about religion? Are you & your wife on the same page? Hope you had a great Memorial Day weekend=)
Hey ms Lee – they too young right now to embrace any kind or type of religion in my opinion, but later on when they're older, whatever they choose is up to them as long as they're happy. the wifey dont really care much but is geared towards buddhist because of her upgringing (her aunt is christian and will push that on her LOL)
in all im too cool and laid back for any type of talk dealing with religion politics or anything that will get heated – i like to just sit back, relax and enjoy the company and time – with that said for memorial day in laws and i played some 13 and push back some drinks and watched some movies – nothing special how was yours?
Hey Pheak! My computer is really sick and I'm getting it looked at so it's hampered my ability to get as much done as normal, so sorry for such a delayed response…I've been missing out on comments and Tweets alike…
I can understand that. My youngest one is in the same boat as your kids, but my 9 year old & I have some interesting conversations about religion and where we (humans) and the earth came from. He's always so good about digging deeper because every answer generates another 5 questions for him. We teach him all of what we “know” and ask him what he thinks. He says he's not sure yet, but that will change soon…
Sounds like a great memorial day. And Father's day is coming up so I hope you have a great time with your fam…and play some 13 for me…ahhh the old days where I could just hang out and play cards with my family for days and not worry about paying the bills – I wish I could be 14 again! LOL